just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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