There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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