She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
