youre lurking in front of me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
