My sheets look like a crime scene.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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