dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
