He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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