to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
