If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
