Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
