i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
