I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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