I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
