I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
