Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
