Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
