I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
