1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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