the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
