you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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