Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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