Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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