I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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