I'm gonna have a badass scar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
