I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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