You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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