He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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