hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
