From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
