stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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