some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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