I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
