Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
