Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
from now on my penis is your penis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
