your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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