I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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