I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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