Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
