By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's great music for shaving your balls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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