About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
