i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
