My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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