We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
