We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
