I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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