RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
