Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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