Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Holy sore nipples Batman
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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