Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize