Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
