i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
