i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
