Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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