We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
