i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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