Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
