I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
