I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
