Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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