Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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