Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
