I cannot find my penis.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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