After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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